Flailing

Why haven’t I been updating?

Well, I’m busy. Sure. And I’m extra tired and getting my thyroid checked because I suspect it’s the culprit (I’m already on Synthroid, but my levels haven’t been checked for a year). Uh huh.

But really, it’s because I don’t feel like my living has been all that healthy.

I’m still running, but I skip workouts more often than I’d like. I’m not getting faster. I’m not losing weight. I tried to join Weight Watchers again recently and just wasn’t feeling it. I’m frustrated. Tired. Worn down. Sick of calorie counting, wanting to just eat healthy like you healthy bloggers do. But I’m not motivated to play in the kitchen. I hate chopping vegetables. And when I get home from a long, tired day, I eat way too much while sitting on my bed in front of my computer.

I’m not married anymore. I don’t have someone there every night to cook for or to eat with (even if we were eating in front of the TV, we were eating together).

I’m still flailing.

And what sucks is that I made this blog to chronicle my journey of learning how to be healthy single, and I’m hiding from it because I’m ashamed.

But I am still running. I’ve got a post brewing about May Madness. And last night I did have dinner with someone, after doing a CrossFit circuit workout. We had tofu and salad:

And I felt great and healthy afterwards. Obviously. And today I’m sore in that just right kind of way.

Tomorrow I’m planning to have a green monster. I bought kale and almond milk and everything.

Baby steps.

P.S. Check it out, Aron made a blogger slideshow and I’m in it!! Click here!

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12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. susanj72
    Mar 03, 2010 @ 19:53:56

    Don’t beat yourself up. It is not healthy (of course I should take my own advise sometimes). It is all about baby steps & what you are going through is very hard to go through. I really appreciate your honesty. Some blogs are always sooo happy & you know that can’t be real all the time.

    The tofu.. did you bake it? If so, how? it looks good.

    Reply

    • Holly
      Mar 03, 2010 @ 21:58:46

      Pan fried with a little bit of canola oil and some sort of marinade/sauce. It was done in a saucepan, haahhah. Gourmet chefs we are not.

      Reply

  2. kilax
    Mar 04, 2010 @ 05:42:16

    Holly, don’t compare yourself to all of those “healthy” bloggers. I DOUBT they have a schedule like you, you know? And are dealing with what you are right now. Just do what you can! I would love to keep reading about your running. I miss it!

    And I like was Susan said too about the fake-happy 😉

    Reply

    • Holly
      Mar 04, 2010 @ 09:35:03

      Sometimes I think I deal with it ok, but then other times when I binge in front of my computer, I know that I’m not dealing. Gotta break that habit.

      Reply

  3. Sarah
    Mar 04, 2010 @ 17:08:48

    I like my green monster with spinach. I have never tried kale before.

    Holly-you are so busy. And you are in such awesome shape, as you mentioned in your LJ. You RUN!!

    You’ll get there. Just don’t give up. I know what you mean about the weight watchers thing. I just can’t do it right now either.

    Reply

  4. Laura
    Mar 06, 2010 @ 09:40:49

    Hi, I am the one who has guilt. It looks like you have been running a lot. You look great.I joined fleet feet again we are training for 10k in april. I have missed a few runs-life. I am leaning towards the south beach “way”. This weather does not help. When it is sunny it will get better. Take care and remember I am on your side. You have changed a lot of your life and you should give yourself a break and be proud! xoxo

    Reply

    • Holly
      Mar 07, 2010 @ 11:37:10

      South Beach does have some healthy tips. I always make whole wheat pasta, that sort of thing. I don’t feel like I’m looking so great cuz I’ve put on some weight, but I’ve also been doing some strength training so maybe that’s helping.

      Reply

  5. jawsome
    Mar 06, 2010 @ 17:46:03

    Hey Holly –
    Nope, blogs are still in the same place – I just haven’t been blogging! But, today I am back so hopefully I’ll be more consistent. I’ve still been reading your blog, and thinking a lot about you, actually (in a non-creepy way, I promise!) It must be incredibly hard to deal with what you’ve been going through, and I want to give you props for trying to work through it in a healthy way. I’ll try to avoid any cliche comments like “one day at a time,” but I see how hard you’re working and I admire you for it.

    Reply

    • Holly
      Mar 07, 2010 @ 11:38:12

      Aww, that’s awesome to know you’ve been out there thinking about me! I’m recovering from the divorce pretty well, I haven’t spoken to my ex at all (including email or anything) since a week after I moved. That is really helping the healing process. Just gotta keep on working!

      Reply

  6. krista
    Mar 07, 2010 @ 06:37:39

    Baby steps is right. And as hard as it is, try not to compare yourself with other “healthy bloggers”…you’re juggling A LOT right now and you’re doing awesome. Think back to several years ago…would you have posted that you worked out at Cross-Fit and ate tofu for dinner? =)

    Reply

    • Holly
      Mar 07, 2010 @ 11:39:13

      I know, it’s so hard not to compare. I think, “why can’t I work out every morning like Meghann and fix myself healthy dinners at night? She lives alone and rocks at it!” But true, I am trying to do what I can.

      Reply

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