No end in sight

The crazy times just don’t seem to be letting up. I worked another over 8 hour day with about 45 minute commute each way. Even though I was packed for Crossfit, I missed the last class. Again.

I cannot seem to find a balance. I keep getting not enough sleep, missing exercise opportunities, operating on a very high stress level, and eating crap. This is a downward spiral that I desperately want to get off. So I get up in the morning, pack for working out, have the best of intentions and…. work gets in the way.

People keep trying to give the advice that I need to take a day off or stop working so hard or something. But I simply can’t. This isn’t a made up excuse. I am a brand new RD, in charge of five of my own facilities. I don’t really know what I’m doing half the time, but I am responsible for all of it regardless. Not to mention I don’t get paid time off. If I’m really sick for more than a day, someone will cover some of the most urgent work for me, but I won’t get paid. And there will be a larger than normal workload waiting when I get back. Basically, there is a certain amount of work to be done, and *I* must do it.

Not to mention, some facilities are under inspection. Some I’ve screwed up at. Some are overly demanding and expect more work to be hone in less hours than is possible. I will probably get reprimanded for working over 8 hours today, but I only saw the patients I HAD to see. I did not even glance at the kitchen, they could have been serving dog food for all I know. On dirty plates. I have never observed the dining room. I have to petition for more hours, but this corporation threw a HUGE fit with my company the last time anyone tried. So I have to keep a detailed list of what I’ve done, how much work is NOT getting done, etc. I will need this entire month’s worth of data to support my case.

So, you see, right now work HAS to be my #1 priority. In order for me to move forward in my new life, get a place to move out to, I need to have a solid, stable career. Gotta pay the rent somehow! So right now, I am establishing that career. Paying my dues. All of that.

My plan:

1. Sleep is my #1. 7-8 hours of sleep per night is a priority. My alarm is set for 6 am, and it’s currently 10:15. I will be going to bed immediately after posting.

2. Until the marathon, the only exercise that is a priority is 2 midweek runs and one weekend long run. Other exercise is nice if it happens, but not to be stressed over.

3. Try to eat nutritious foods when possible. But, give myself some room here. Accept that I cannot control the situation I am in and just try to do my best.

Number 3 is the hardest for me. I can feel that I’ve gained some weight and I am NOT happy about it. But any master plan I try to devise is immediately thwarted by work. So I am just going to try to add nutrition.

Here are some ways I did that today:

Glo bar while I worked

Brought a turkey sandwich for lunch (only ate half, the other half is for tomorrow!)


Added spinach to the pasta with turkey meat sauce that Brooke made

I did have non-nutritious things today as well. But these were good steps and I’m choosing to focus on those.

And now, to bed before 10:30. Goodnight.

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jenn
    Nov 18, 2009 @ 23:59:16

    hopefully you will find your groove soon and things will start sliding into place. and just think, your paycheck is going to be awesome and you’ll soon have a place of your own.

    i think once you get your own place, you’ll be able to decompress and you’ll have a fresh head to tackle these hurdles with.


    • Holly
      Nov 19, 2009 @ 08:32:33

      Yeah, I know it will get about a million times better when I get my own place. But I’ve still got a few months to go on that! I need to figure out how to feel better now.


  2. Sabrina
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 07:45:29

    I agree with Jenn – you will get your reward soon – just get through the rough patch the best you can. I wish I could do something to help you out! ((HUGS))


    • Holly
      Nov 19, 2009 @ 08:33:16

      Thanks, I’m trying, but man this is testing my strength. And I feel like I’m failing because of whatever weight gain is going on, I should be stronger than that.


  3. Jill
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 08:29:34

    Hang in there girlie. You’re tough and this is only temporary. Keep your head up and in a few months you’ll be wondering why you were so stressed out. 🙂


    • Holly
      Nov 19, 2009 @ 08:34:57

      I think I’ll remember why and be SO GLAD it’s over! I think there’s a reason why you’re not supposed to move and start a new career at the same time. Plus getting a divorce just makes it that much more fun.


  4. Laura
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 09:10:52

    Welcome to reality. ha Working full-time and finding time to exercise is crazy and hard. I believe you do need to “pay your dues” and work, work, work to get established in your new career. And use your exercise time to decompress and find joy! It will all come together and not be so much. Plus when your other drama is over that will help too.
    Chin up and breathe.
    The door to a balanced success opens widest
    on the hinges of hope and encouragement.

    Good luck. I just started a new career as well.


  5. thebalancebroad
    Nov 19, 2009 @ 14:48:31

    I can’t imagine how stressful that must be at your job…on top of everything else. Hopefully getting your first and second goals completed will help with the third. I know I’m more likely not to eat “well” if I’m tired – which happens if I don’t work out enough/too much!


  6. kilax
    Nov 23, 2009 @ 16:59:26

    You’re so inspiring for going through all of this right now. I don’t know anyone who can do as much as you. Hang in there. We’re all cheering you on!


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